you just want to forget
by stupidlookingstrawberry
Summary: just give it a shot


You want to forget it all, everything that happened but they won't let you. they say you need to tell them what happened so they know what is bothering you and they can help you but they don't realize that you don't want their help. You don't want to keep thinking about what happened 2 years ago but your family won't accept that you've given up and you're broken. You do as they ask and start training to walk with prosthetic legs, after a year you can walk with them but you still don't see a reason in living.

Then you do something stupid, you end up going to prison for a while. You are afraid they won't let you keep you legs but one of the guards is nice and makes sure you can keep them. Life in prison is terrible and the other inmates keep hiding your legs so you start to keep them on while sleeping. Then she comes to prison and you have show her around, she is the most beautiful person you've ever seen and she is nice to you. She tells you her name, Alex Vause, you are sure you'll never forget that, Alex doesn't hide your legs and she doesn't bully you. Alex is nice, Alex is different.

Your days are better now, Alex eats with you and talks to you. You are friends with her and when she sees the way the other inmates treat you, she stands up for you like you never stood up for yourself. Your ability to tell people to fuck off was crushed, crushed by the same car that crushed your legs. You tell Alex you lost your legs in a car accident, she doesn't laugh at you, she hugs you and you come to realize that Alex is the best thing that ever happened to you. It makes you scared because you need Alex, without Alex you have no one that really cares for you and if she isn't here anymore you are fucked. Life is good and for the first time since you lost your legs you get up in the morning without feeling useless and you look forward to see Alex, you think you might be in love with Alex. Alex helps you up after some people pushed you, Alex helps you search for your legs after people hid them, Alex stands up for you, Alex helps you shower. Your life is nothing without Alex, you know you're in love with Alex.

You were atacked by an inmate, they take you to medical and all you can think of is Alex. You don't care that you have multiple cuts on you arms and that those cuts need stitches and that they are going to be scares, you don't listen when they tell you how to take care of the cuts. You just want to go back to Alex, you've been in medical for a few days now and you get released. You walk to lunch hoping to see Alex, you see her but she is sitting at another table, with other inmates. She has a bruised face and all you can do is hope that is isn't your fault, if you're honest with yourself you're still waiting for her to leave. It is hard being around the person you love knowing she doesn't love you but it is even harder to not be around Alex at all, so you stay. Alex sees you and walks to you, she pulls you in for a long hug that you didn't know you needed.

Everything is normal for a while and then they send you to SHU for your own protection, you hate it down there and you are sure you're going crazy. The door is opened and Alex walks in, you think you're dreaming but she is really here. She tries to calm you but you have a panic attack and she doesn't know how to get you out of it, the guards won't help and Alex can't help. You are lost in your nightmares and are clinging to Alex like she is the only thing that matters, and she is. For you she is.

Alex tries everything to get you back but nothing works, and then she does the only thing that she can think of. Alex kisses you, you snap back to reality and Alex looks happy, you are too. You got back and Alex kissed you.

You ask her what she is doing in shu and she tells you she is here to take care of you, you wonder what she did to get into the same cell as you are. Maybe you don't even want to know, you just want to enjoy the time you have before she has to leave again. Alex tells you stories about herself, she tells you what she did to get in prison and in return you tell her how you got into prison. Alex once told you she grew up with only her mother and that she loved her a lot, you're worried that she won't understand your mistake ans that she will think you're a monster. Alex asked you a few times why you never got any visitors, you tell her that your parent never visit because they were killed and tour brother hates you. Now you tell her that it was you who shot your parents, you are afraid Alex will leave but she doesn't, she just hugs you. You cry your heart out and tell her you wish you could regret it but you don't, you probably would have ended your live already if you hadn't met Alex in here. You both return to the main prison.

Being around Alex hurts and now it is even worse, you start avoiding her. She doesn't realize at first but when she hasn't seen you in three days she drags you into the chapel and asks you why, you decide to tell the truth. You tell her it hurst to be around her because you love her, Alex looks surprised but nods. She says she understands and then she walks out of the chapel, leaving you behind. You knew this was coming but it still hurts like hell, you cry and you try to forget her, even though you know that you're trying to do the impossible. A week goes by and you haven't talked to Alex, you haven't talked to anyone. Your life is a living hell again but you think of it as normal, you have nightmares every night about the accident but the pain is the only thing that makes you feel alive.

It is a another week later when an inmate pushes you to the ground, you can't get up because of your stupid legs. You crawl to the wall and sit against it, you have a feeling you are going to sut there for a while so you make it as comfortable as possible. You close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing, your trying not to get a panic attack. Somebody sits down next to you, you don't open you eyes, it's probably an inmate who thinks she's funny.

"I've been thinking" the person says, you would recognize her voice everywhere. You open your eyes en look in Alex' eyes, you say "you know, it kinda hurts and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't rub this in my face and just let me live my miserable life." That was the moment normal people would walk away but you still can't stand up so that is not an option.

"Let me talk" Alex doesn't look impressed by your rand. "The past two weeks I realized I don't know how to live in this place without you, you were nice to me when I got here although you had no reason to. I think i've known it for a while but I didn't want to fuck up our friendship. I walked away because I was afraid but I am ready to admit that i'm head over heels in love with you"

You put your hand on Alex' cheek and kiss her, you don't know how else to react. Alex kisses you back and you deepen the kiss, a guard tells you to stop and you do but you don't let Alex' face go. Alex smiles and so do you, she stands up and offers you her hand. Alex pulls you up and you two walk to your bunk, everything is okay now. Everything besides the fact that you are in prison and you don't have real legs.


End file.
